The Call

Sometimes I find myself wondering, "Why isn't God being clear? Why isn't he answering my prayers and my questions?" Sometimes, he just seems to be taking His dear old time. Maybe you have felt this way too...

I spent last week in Nerja, Spain attending Campus Crusade's Midyear STINT conference. This conference is planned at just the right time in the cultural transition cycle. You can think of this transition in four stages:

I: Honeymoon stage

II: Crisis

III: Getting back to normal

IV: Normal-Adapted

When I came to Hungary, I was in the honeymoon stage, and I fell in love. Fortunately, my "crisis" stage was very mild, and I still love Hungary. However, right after Christmas, for a few weeks I found myself very stressed and emotional. The kids were driving me crazy, I had a lot of extra jobs to do, and I was getting sick. I was definitely not my regular self, and it was showing.

I am so thankful that I was able to go to Spain for this conference. I did not really want to go...it was hard to take a week off of school, and it required extra finances. In the end, I am certain that God wanted me there and at this exact time. It was hard to come back to Hungary, (The weather in Spain was gorgeous. Budapest is seeing 7 inches of snow and no sign of stopping!) but I know the Lord is with me.

In Spain, we heard from David Wilson. Irish accent in tow, he spoke each day about the call of Moses. Have you ever realized how long it takes Moses to really respond to God in Exodus? Moses goes through doubt and fear, but finally follows God. We studied Moses' call and I found many parallels in my life.

God revealed to me many misconceptions I had about my call. I know God called me to Hungary for this period of time in my life. I assumed that coming to Hungary was my call to be a missionary. God is showing me that going overseas is not what it means to be a missionary. John and I have decided to live in Colorado Springs next year. At first, I hated this. I was very upset and would cry at the thought of it. Why was God calling me back to the U.S.?? How can I serve him there? Don't I have to be raising support to be a missionary? I was doubting what God could use me for in Colorado. David challenged us to think about God's larger call on our lives. I started to think..."Is God really calling me to Hungary? Or to be a missionary?" I believe God is just telling me to share his love with people. That is what a missionary is.

I wish we could sit down over coffee and really talk about what I told me this past week. It is hard to explain in a blog...I try to keep it brief and interesting, but I hope you know that God is going much deeper in me than I can really write about. God has really been changing my heart...my stubborn heart. Now I can think about next year without getting a sick feeling. I can talk about it without tearing up. I am excited to see what and who God has waiting for me in Colorado. It is a new challenge...serving God and sharing the Gospel does not stop just because I am moving back the the U.S. God's goodness never changes.

I have sang this song a million times, but it hit me hard this week:

Take my will and make it Thine,

It shall be no longer mine;

Take my heart, it is Thine own,

It shall be Thy royal throne.

Do you need to say these words to God too? What is he calling you to do? Is he calling you to go overseas? To a new culture? Is he calling you to support another missionary? To make more of a sacrifice with your finances? Or is he calling you to be a missionary right now, exactly where you are?